On June 9th, 2015, I went to my first ever red carpet movie premiere!
Well, technically it wasn’t MY movie premiere, nor did I technically attend the movie, but I did see a red carpet for the first time. Actually, no, I feel like I saw a red carpet in a store somewhere but this red carpet was actually at a movie premiere and it was a big deal.
It was not a big deal.
Since August, I have lived a stone’s through from the Dolby Theater on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame! Like many of the landmarks on the walk of fame: The Wax Museum, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Odditorium, The Hollywood Museum, either of the two Scientology centers and The Chinese Theater, I have never been in side. I did not go inside this time but I did walk around the red carpet of the premiere of Jurassic World.
I will see Jurassic World eventually because it is the latest in one of my all time favorite franchises, stars the talented Chris Pratt among other glorious actors, prominently features giant dinosaurs and because my mom gave me a gift card. Thanks, Mom!
I went to the premiere not for dinosaurs or special effects but because I wanted to see a famous person. I had been living in Los Angeles for ten months and the only famous person I’d seen was Timothy Omundson (King Richard in Galavant and Cain in Supernatural) and I had to look him up when I got home. My roommate, who claims he isn’t interested in famous people, recently met and spoke with Amy Adams, Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster) and Lea DeLaria (Big Boo from Orange is The New Black). He didn’t even try to see these people! He just finds them in Target and I hate him for it. I suppose I did meet Damon Waynes Jr. (Coach from New Girl) at a Comedy Show I was a part of but I want more.
I want to see Famous People. I want to see people that I can talk about and not have to explain what they’ve been in. Individual Celebrities do not hold my interest long but the concept of celebrity does fascinate me. It should fascinate you that there are a select group of people that are known by millions around the world for their deeds or talent or complete lack there of! What is so special about Chris Pratt that hundreds of people with stand around a theater for hours just to see him step out of a car and then go online and brag about how they just saw Chris Pratt step out of a car. It is mind boggling and I want in on it.
I did not see Chris Pratt get out of a car. I arrived at the theater, which is literally a ten minute walk from my apartment, at 4:30. I wore a brilliant ensemble of skinny jeans, a black tank top with spilled BBQ sauce on it and an unwashed black hoodie. The internet told me the premiere would start at six thirty and I foolishly assumed that the famous people would arrive early to complete all of their famous people chores like interviews and smiling and yelling at their assistants before the movie started.
The famous people did not arrive early but everyone else did. The Dolby theater was almost entirely surrounded, except for those places guarded by stylishly black suited security. I found a spot on Hollywood Blvd, where traffic was being redirected, and waited for an hour and a half. I stood between two girls who had brought an actual glossy picture of Chris Pratt for him to sign and two other girls who were from England and had never watched any of the Jurassic Park movies (their words; not mine). Behind me, a local news anchor tried to set up in the slight Los Angeles breeze and the even slighter, nearly non existent LA drizzle. There were two drops, more than we’d got in the last four months.
Around 6;45, the rich people begin to show up. Note that I said Rich People and not famous people. I suppose I should have drawn more inspiration from them since I’d rather be rich than famous (ideally, I will be famous for how rich I am) but rich people are easy to find in LA. They congregate in stores where the jackets cost six months in my apartment and sometimes they pay me to walk their dogs.
Every time one of these rich people drove up, everyone would lean forward to try and see who they were. Then, once we didn’t recognize them, we all leaned back together and sighed. It became clear to me that when someone famous actually did show up, all I would see would be the back of a british girl’s head and a dozen selfie sticks. Like the wily raptor, I decided to circle my prey.
The Dolby Theater has three levels, not including the ground floor with the red carpet. Nearly all of the good vantage points were taken but the impeccably dressed security people made sure no one could stand on the escalators or the walk ways that would lead to fire exits. I felt confident that once a sufficiently famous person showed up, the crowd would cheer and I could take a picture while walking in one of these free areas. The only flaw was that my phone battery was dying, as I had been passing the wait with a combination of Fanfiction and tweeting Jeff Goldblum to ask if he was coming to the premiere since he is the best part of the entire franchise. He did not respond.
Like a raptor peering into a computer control room before she figures out how to open doors, I could see little bits of the inner circles from various vantage points. I could see the various movie specific trappings, posters of Dinosaur skulls, hanging fines, a jeep, as well as reporters and cameras all set up for interviews. It was inspiring. I hope one day to actually attend a the premiere of a movie I helped make, to have hundreds or thousands of people showing up to hear my words, see my ideas come to life on a big screen. I now know, at least more than I did before, a little of what that might be like.
At one point, while I was circling the gated entrance to the premiere, I saw a bit of red carpet, sticking out from beneath the fence. I crouched down and touched it, whispering “soon… ten, fifteen years, give or take…”. Other people walked quickly around me. One day, I imagine, any number of common people will be able to claim they saw Kate R Canter being a weirdo on the streets of LA.
Finally, at seven o’clock, with 10% battery life left, I began to come to terms with the fact that I might not see any famous people. It also occurred to me that there were plenty of famous people that I could not, in fact, pick out of a line up. So I just started taking crowd shots and hoping there were some famous people in there. Are there? I don’t actually know.
I returned to Hollywood Blvd with 5% battery life because people started yelling. I have discovered that people often yell when something happens. My hypothesis was proven when I actually saw a famous person I could recognize. Retta, from Parks and Recreation! She was gorgeous, obviously, but apparently, she just went to the premiere and is not actually in the movie which is a damn shame as she is impeccable and I had to explain who she was to way too many people!
Then, with just 3% battery life, another miracle! Judy Greer! She voices Cheryl Tunt in Archer and she’s going to be in Ant Man and Tomorrowland and she’s done a lot of walk on roles on The Big Bang Theory, Two and A Half Men, House MD and other shows that my parents watch. She’s great is my point and I got her picture before my phone died.
So she’s one up on Chris Pratt.
I went home, satisfied. I still search for that elusive celebrity whose filmography I don’t have to list after I name them but I saw people I recognized after other people said their names! I circled a Hollywood Premiere like a terrifying dinosaur! Where else but in Los Angeles? New York? Probably, but it’s cold there.
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